Have you ever been in a car with someone whose driving made you feel tense — your sesnses alert to every movement, quietly wishing you could get out and walk home?

Many people describe their life feeling exactly like this when stress or anxiety has been running the show.

You’re still getting through the days.
Still functioning.
But it doesn’t feel like you are in control.

Being in control vs feeling controlled

Most of us want to feel like we’re behind the steering wheel of our own lives — choosing direction, adjusting pace, deciding how we respond to what’s happening around us.

In psychology, this is known as an internal locus of control. 

In everyday terms, it means:

• You trust your judgement
• You feel able to make decisions
• You respond rather than react
• Confidence and clarity feel more accessible

But when stress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm builds up, that sense of control can slip away.

It can start to feel as though someone else has taken the wheel.

You’re still moving forward —
But life feels like it’s happening to you rather than through you.

This is often described as an external locus of control, where:

• You feel on edge or hyper-alert
• Decisions feel harder than they should
• Anxiety rises quickly
• You feel more like a passenger than the driver of your life

This isn’t a weakness or a mindset problem.
It’s a nervous system response.

What’s happening in the brain?

When someone has been under prolonged stress or emotional pressure, a small but powerful part of the brain called the amygdala (let's call it "Amy" for short) can begin to dominate.

Amy's role is survival.

She scans constantly for danger and reacts fast when she thinks something isn’t safe.

That’s helpful in real emergencies.

But when she stays switched on for too long, she can begin to run everyday life — even when there is no immediate threat.

When this happens, people often notice:

• Overthinking and “what if” thinking
• Avoidance of situations they used to manage easily
• Feeling emotionally hijacked or reactive
• A loss of confidence in their own judgement

None of this means there is anything wrong with you.

It means your brain has been trying to protect you.

Why control comes from safety, not force

One of the biggest misunderstandings about anxiety is the idea that you need to force yourself back into control.

In reality, the brain doesn’t respond well to force — it responds to felt safety.

When your nervous system begins to feel safe again, the amygdala or "Amy" no longer needs to stay in the driver’s seat. Other parts of the brain — responsible for reasoning, perspective, and emotional regulation — are able to come back online.

This is why hypnotherapy can be so effective for anxiety and stress.

Rather than pushing through fear, hypnotherapy works with the brain at a deeper level — helping calm the internal alarm system and rebuild trust between your thinking mind and your emotional responses.

Many people describe it as their system finally settling — not because life changed overnight, but because their brain stopped treating everything as a threat.

Change is possible because the brain is adaptable

Your brain is not fixed.

Through neuroplasticity, it is constantly reshaping itself based on experience. Old survival patterns that once helped you cope can soften when they’re no longer needed, and new responses can develop that support calm, confidence, and resilience.

This isn’t about erasing the past.
It’s about changing how you experience life now.

Over time, people often notice:

• Feeling calmer and more grounded
• Greater emotional resilience
• Increased confidence in their decisions
• A stronger sense of internal control

You were never meant to live in survival mode

Survival responses are intelligent and protective — but they’re designed for short-term threat, not long-term living.

If life has felt like you’ve been gripping the seat while someone else drives, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means your system has been doing its best to keep you safe.

With the right support, it’s possible to move out of survival mode and back into a life that feels steady, confident, and led from within.

Not because life becomes perfect —
But because you are back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Frequently asked questions:

Why do I feel like I’m not in control of my life?

Many people feel this way when stress or anxiety has been present for a long time. It’s often linked to the nervous system staying in a heightened state, where the brain prioritises protection over clear thinking. 

When this happens, life can feel reactive rather than intentional — as though you’re responding to events instead of choosing how to move forward.

What does it mean to be stuck in survival mode?

Survival mode is when the brain remains focused on potential threat, even when there is no immediate danger. This can show up as constant overthinking, emotional reactivity, difficulty making decisions, or feeling permanently on edge. 

It’s not a personal failure — it’s the brain doing its job for too long without a chance to reset.

What is the amygdala and how does it affect anxiety?

The amygdala is a small part of the brain responsible for detecting danger. 

When it becomes overactive, it can trigger anxiety responses such as rapid thoughts, physical tension, or avoidance. 

Calming the nervous system helps the amygdala step back, allowing clearer thinking and emotional balance to return.

How does hypnotherapy help with anxiety and stress?

Hypnotherapy works by helping the nervous system settle, rather than forcing change through willpower. 

When the brain feels safer, patterns linked to anxiety and stress can soften naturally. 

Many people notice they feel calmer, more grounded, and more able to respond rather than react.

Can hypnotherapy help me feel more confident and in control?

Confidence often returns as the nervous system stabilises. When you’re no longer operating from constant threat detection, decision-making becomes easier and self-trust improves. 

Hypnotherapy supports this process by helping the brain form new, healthier response patterns.

Related reading

If this article resonated with you, you may also find this helpful:

Does hypnotherapy really work for anxiety?

This companion article explores how hypnotherapy works with the unconscious mind, what people commonly experience during sessions, and why it can be such an effective approach for anxiety and stress.

Phoenix Hypnotherapy offers professional hypnotherapy for anxiety, stress, and confidence in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, supporting clients across Gloucester, Tewkesbury, Cirencester, the Cotswolds, and online across the UK.