Boundaries are important. They give us structure, space, and a sense of control. They help protect our time, our energy, and our wellbeing.

But not all boundaries are the same. Some support us. Others can quietly hold us back.

Think of it this way: a boundary can be like a gate. It lets in what feels safe and shuts out what doesn’t. But sometimes, what we call a “boundary” isn’t really a gate at all. It’s a barrier. And barriers don’t just keep things out — they keep us locked in.

The difference between protection and limitation:

A healthy boundary protects your peace. It gives you breathing space and helps you say no to what drains you.

But sometimes boundaries become rigid. Instead of helping you grow, they become your comfort zones in disguise.

Examples people often recognise:

• Avoiding certain social situations to manage anxiety — but also missing out on opportunities for connection.
• Saying “that’s just who I am” when really, it’s fear speaking, not identity.
• Creating strict rules for yourself that feel safe — but leave no room for growth or change.

Boundaries that begin as protection can easily become barriers that limit your life.

You Weren’t Born With Them

Here’s something worth remembering: you weren’t born this way.

You weren’t born with rigid rules about who you could trust, how much you could express, or where you should stop yourself.

As a child, you were open, curious, expressive. You said what you felt. You asked for what you wanted.

But over time, experiences taught you to hold back. Maybe someone told you to “be quiet,” or that showing your feelings was too much. Maybe you learnt that stepping forward was risky, or that keeping yourself small felt safer.

Those boundaries — the ones that now feel like barriers — weren’t your natural state. They were learned. And because they were learned, they can be unlearned.

How Hypnotherapy Can Help

At Phoenix Hypnotherapy in Cheltenham and Gloucester, I work with clients who feel trapped by old limits. Often, these limits were once helpful — created by the unconscious mind to protect them.

But over time, those same protections stop serving a purpose. They keep people stuck in old patterns — stuck in fears, stuck in habits, stuck in small versions of themselves.

Hypnotherapy works at the unconscious level, where those old “rules” live. By helping your mind feel safe again, hypnotherapy allows rigid boundaries to soften, so you’re not left feeling exposed — but you’re no longer confined either.

You don’t need to break down every boundary. You just need to learn which ones still serve you, and which ones it’s time to let go of.

A Helpful Reflection

If you’re not sure whether a boundary is healthy or limiting, try asking yourself:

👉 Does this boundary support my growth, or does it keep me stuck in the same place?

The answer is often clear. 

Protection feels like safety and freedom. 

Limitation feels like safety and stagnation.

Final Thought

Boundaries aren’t the enemy. 

They are essential. But the real freedom comes from knowing the difference between a boundary that protects you — and one that holds you back.

And because you weren’t born with those limiting boundaries, you don’t have to keep them. They were learned, and they can be reshaped or unlearned

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Serving Cheltenham, Gloucester, and the surrounding areas, online and in clinic.

For a free no obligation chat to see how I can help you define your boundaires contact me here to find a convenient day and time for you.

Lesley Ford - Multi award winning hypnotherapist

24th August 2025