Why can't I let go of the past? The emotional baggage we carry

With Bonfire Night approaching, I've been thinking about all the things we carry around with us that we really don't need anymore.

And I'm not talking about the clutter in the garage or that cupboard you've been meaning to clear out for the last five years!

I'm talking about the clutter we carry around in our minds.

That argument you had three years ago. Something somebody said that really hurt.

A mistake you made that you still haven't forgiven yourself for.

Or perhaps a belief about yourself that you've been carrying around since childhood.

Now, imagine putting every one of those things into a wheelbarrow.

Every criticism, every regret, every resentment, every worry. In they go.

And then imagine pushing that wheelbarrow around with you every single day.

At first, it might not feel particularly heavy. But over time, as you add more and more to it, that wheelbarrow becomes increasingly difficult to push.

And yet you keep pushing.

Why?

Because you've become so accustomed to carrying everything that you barely notice the weight anymore.

How heavy has your mental wheelbarrow become, and what is it costing you to keep pushing it around?

How much is your emotional baggage costing you?

We don't often think about emotions having a cost, do we?

But they can.

Perhaps you're lying awake at night replaying a conversation, thinking about what you should have said or what you wish you'd done differently.

Maybe you're constantly worrying about what other people think of you because someone criticised you years ago.

Or perhaps you're still feeling angry about something somebody did, even though that person has long since moved on with their life.

And there you are, still carrying it.

Emotionally, it can leave you feeling anxious, frustrated, resentful or exhausted.

Physically, ongoing stress can contribute to tension, disrupted sleep and that feeling of never quite being able to switch off.

And what about your relationships?

If someone betrayed your trust years ago, perhaps you now find it difficult to trust other people. If you were constantly criticised as a child, maybe you struggle to accept compliments or believe you're good enough.

Sometimes we end up responding to the people in our lives today because of something that happened with somebody else in the past.

And that's quite a price to pay, isn't it?

I've written before about how those early beliefs can follow us into adulthood in my blog Why do I always think I'm not good enough?.

The thing is, when we're so busy carrying all that emotional baggage, we may not realise how much of our energy it's using up.

Energy that could be going into enjoying ourselves, building relationships, trying something new or simply feeling more at peace.

The event may have happened years ago, but sometimes we're still paying the emotional bill today.

Why does my mind keep going back to the past?

Have you ever found yourself replaying an argument in your head, only this time coming up with all the brilliant things you wish you'd said?

And perhaps you go through it again. And again.

You might even find yourself having an imaginary argument with someone who isn't there!

Our minds do this for various reasons. Sometimes we're trying to understand what happened, work out what we could have done differently or protect ourselves from being hurt again.

Psychologists call this repetitive thinking rumination, particularly when we keep returning to upsetting experiences without reaching a helpful conclusion.

But there's a difference between learning from an experience and continually reliving it.

One helps us move forward.

The other can keep us feeling stuck.

It's something I explored in my blog Why do I keep having conversations and arguments in my head?.

And sometimes, the unconscious mind has developed a response to an experience that continues long after the original situation has ended.

For example, if you were frequently embarrassed or criticised when speaking up as a child, you might now find yourself feeling anxious about speaking in meetings.

Consciously, you know you're an adult and perfectly capable of contributing.

Yet emotionally, something still holds you back.

It's rather like having an old instruction manual that hasn't been updated for years.

The circumstances have changed, but you're still following some of the old instructions.

Does letting go mean forgetting or forgiving?

This is where I think people sometimes get stuck.

They imagine that letting go means forgiving somebody who treated them badly, forgetting what happened or pretending it didn't matter.

But that's not what I'm suggesting at all.

You don't have to forgive somebody else's behaviour to begin moving forward.

Perhaps the person who deserves your forgiveness most is you.

The younger version of you who didn't know what you know today.

The version of you who made decisions based on the circumstances, knowledge and resources available at the time.

The version of you who perhaps stayed too long, trusted the wrong person, didn't speak up or simply didn't know how to respond.

How often do we look back at something and think, "I should have known better"?

But that's the thing. You know better now because of everything you've experienced and learned along the way.

It's easy to judge who we were then through the eyes of who we are today.

And perhaps that's another heavy burden we've been carrying in that wheelbarrow.

The guilt. The regret. The self-blame.

What if, instead of continuing to criticise that earlier version of yourself, you offered them a little understanding and compassion?

You don't have to approve of every decision you made. You can acknowledge mistakes, take responsibility where appropriate and still forgive yourself.

Because you were doing the best you could with what you knew and had available to you at the time.

And perhaps it's time to stop punishing yourself for not knowing then what you know now.

After all, you've carried that weight for long enough.

What would you put on your bonfire?

So, let's return to that 'inner wheelbarrow'.

With Bonfire Night just around the corner, imagine you've wheeled it into a beautiful garden where a bonfire is burning.

The flames are dancing, the fire is crackling and you're standing there looking at everything you've been carrying.

Perhaps there's an old criticism sitting right at the top.

Something somebody said years ago that you've allowed to shape how you see yourself.

Or maybe there's a resentment you've been holding on to.

A regret about something you did, or didn't do.

Perhaps there's even that familiar belief that you're not good enough.

And now imagine choosing just one of those things.

Not everything. Just one.

Something that you're ready to begin putting down.

You could imagine placing it onto the bonfire and watching it gradually turn to ashes.

Not because the experience didn't matter.

Not because you're pretending it never happened.

But because perhaps you've carried it for long enough.

And as you watch the flames, imagine how it might feel to have a little less weight in that wheelbarrow.

Perhaps you can breathe a little more easily.

Perhaps the handles don't feel quite so heavy in your hands.

And perhaps you begin to realise that you've been working incredibly hard to carry things that no longer need to take up quite so much space in your life.

It's only a visualisation, of course, and not a substitute for working through difficult or traumatic experiences. But sometimes a simple image can help us recognise something we haven't really considered before.

Can hypnotherapy help you let go of old beliefs and emotions?

One of the things I often see in my hypnotherapy practice is people who know, logically, that something belongs in the past, but still find themselves responding emotionally as though it hasn't quite finished.

Perhaps they understand that they're capable, but continue to struggle with confidence.

Or they recognise that a previous experience doesn't define them, yet find themselves anticipating the same thing happening again.

Our unconscious mind can develop familiar patterns of thinking, feeling and responding, particularly around experiences that have felt emotionally significant.

And sometimes those patterns continue even when they're no longer helpful.

Hypnotherapy may help some people explore these patterns and develop different responses, allowing them to feel more confident and better able to move forward.

It's not about erasing memories or pretending difficult experiences didn't happen.

It's about exploring whether the way we respond today still needs to be shaped quite so strongly by what happenedin the past.

If confidence is one of the things you've been struggling with, you might also enjoy my blog Why do I lack confidence? The belief that's usually hiding underneath it.

Perhaps it's time to lighten the load

So, as we head towards Bonfire Night, I'd like to leave you with a little thought.

You can't change what's already happened.

You can't go back and unsay something, make somebody behave differently or rewrite every difficult experience.

But you may be able to change your relationship with those experiences.

And you certainly don't have to keep adding everything that goes wrong in life to that already overloaded wheelbarrow.

You can keep the memories that matter, the lessons you've learned and the wisdom you've gained.

And perhaps begin working towards putting down some of the unnecessary emotional weight.

Because your peace of mind matters.

Your health matters.

Your relationships matter.

And your happiness matters too.

So here's my question for you this week.

What's in your wheelbarrow, how heavy has it become, and what are you ready to stop carrying?

Ready to feel lighter and move forward?

If anxiety, old beliefs or difficult experiences are affecting your confidence, relationships or enjoyment of life, perhaps it's time to explore a different way forward.

I'm Lesley Ford, an award-winning Clinical Hypnotherapist based in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, specialising in anxiety, trauma and confidence, working with clients online across the UK.

I offer a free 45-minute consultation where we can talk about what's been happening for you, what you'd like to change and whether hypnotherapy could be an appropriate way to help. There is no obligation to book any of my services.

Book your free 45-minute consultation

Because sometimes moving forward isn't about pushing harder.

It's about making the load lighter.

Lesley Ford

Clinical Hypnotherapist

October 2026